My mouth doesn't let me talk sometimes. It restrains my words. I find no voice in myself to get my point across. My body betrays me. I stare blankly at my companion and say nothing.
In later moments, when I am reflecting over conversations, I realize that my opinion and input is valid. What I have to say is worthy for the most attentive audience. It is I who has stage fright.
There are many things I would have liked to have said. I care. With every ounce of my beating heart I care!
I want to be able to be candid. I want to express pure unfiltered emotion. Because that is what saturates my being. I don't know if it can be boiled down to such a rationale as that I am just being a woman. I think it goes beyond any gender stereotypes.
I am often alone. I have nothing but reflection of past moments to keep my mind occupied. There are some moments that I wish I can interject. I wish to say things that may be difficult for me to say. But they should have been said.
I am going on and on as if what I wanted to say was negative. I am just so afraid of asking questions and hearing answers I may not like. Or making things difficult by pushing things beyond their comfort level.
My quiet moments are far too many. So I apologize for the heaviness of this blog.
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