I am in love with love. Have been since I was little. I fell in love with the idea of it all.
I always envisioned myself falling in love hard and having all kinds of plot twists and surprises.
Now that I have grown up I see that its all games that people play.
I don't want to play any games. I think that is why I have never been in a relationship.
I still love love, but I don't want to be anyone's fool. And if you are going to fall in love I think you are going to have to play the fool every once in awhile.
But then again if it is that gut wrenching love, you wouldn't really mind.
I hope I find someone that I won't mind playing the fool for.
ugh
I always get like this around 2 in the am. Nostalgic and pleading. Mourning the love that I have lost. Well I guess it wasn't mine in the first place. Or more like my love was never returned.
It was a fantasy that played out right before me. Everything I had envisioned as a little girl was coming to fruition. But in the end....i didn't get the guy.
Which is fine with me....now.
It took alot of Rachael Yamagata, Brandi Carlile, and Damien Rice to get me through it though.
He will never know how much he meant to me. I don't think I truly loved anyone before him. I mean I thought I had it bad for other guys, but man not like this. He consumed my every thought. I didn't have to adjust anything that us girls usually adjust to fit him in my life. He fit perfectly. But I didn't fit perfectly with him.
The fat kid in me always gets the blame. Me being me, I think I could make someone happy.
But the fat kid in me isn't too comfortable with the idea of allowing someone else in our bubble.
So I will put the memory of all our times together in a box labeled "The Past" and move forward. Even though I didn't get the guy in the end, I gained something better. I got the friend. Who is very dear to me. And if you are wondering, no, all those feelings that I had for him are completely gone. I still love him. But it's a different kind of love. It's the unconditional kind that you reserve for the family you get to choose. My friends.
Actually when I think back on the whole ordeal I don't even really think about him, if that makes any sense. I think about the "experience". I experienced all kinds of emotions! I mean a TON of emotions. And now that I am maturing I have come to respect experiences. They keep you company while you are waiting for the next one to roll around.
So goodnight, fellow love enthusiasts...
p.s. if you get a chance, listen to Delicate by Damien Rice, thats "our" song :)
I always envisioned myself falling in love hard and having all kinds of plot twists and surprises.
Now that I have grown up I see that its all games that people play.
I don't want to play any games. I think that is why I have never been in a relationship.
I still love love, but I don't want to be anyone's fool. And if you are going to fall in love I think you are going to have to play the fool every once in awhile.
But then again if it is that gut wrenching love, you wouldn't really mind.
I hope I find someone that I won't mind playing the fool for.
ugh
I always get like this around 2 in the am. Nostalgic and pleading. Mourning the love that I have lost. Well I guess it wasn't mine in the first place. Or more like my love was never returned.
It was a fantasy that played out right before me. Everything I had envisioned as a little girl was coming to fruition. But in the end....i didn't get the guy.
Which is fine with me....now.
It took alot of Rachael Yamagata, Brandi Carlile, and Damien Rice to get me through it though.
He will never know how much he meant to me. I don't think I truly loved anyone before him. I mean I thought I had it bad for other guys, but man not like this. He consumed my every thought. I didn't have to adjust anything that us girls usually adjust to fit him in my life. He fit perfectly. But I didn't fit perfectly with him.
The fat kid in me always gets the blame. Me being me, I think I could make someone happy.
But the fat kid in me isn't too comfortable with the idea of allowing someone else in our bubble.
So I will put the memory of all our times together in a box labeled "The Past" and move forward. Even though I didn't get the guy in the end, I gained something better. I got the friend. Who is very dear to me. And if you are wondering, no, all those feelings that I had for him are completely gone. I still love him. But it's a different kind of love. It's the unconditional kind that you reserve for the family you get to choose. My friends.
Actually when I think back on the whole ordeal I don't even really think about him, if that makes any sense. I think about the "experience". I experienced all kinds of emotions! I mean a TON of emotions. And now that I am maturing I have come to respect experiences. They keep you company while you are waiting for the next one to roll around.
So goodnight, fellow love enthusiasts...
p.s. if you get a chance, listen to Delicate by Damien Rice, thats "our" song :)
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteJessica, are we not kinder souls are what? I totally met a person like this and it hurts so bad to not have to adjust but then not being "the right fit". It sucks because THEY KNOW, THEY ABSOLUTELY KNOW you are it, you are the one person they are looking for but yet they are afraid of admitting to themselves their feelings. its sad that people can't truly see how great a relationship can be with women like us. ever see BabyCakes? This is totally you. You will find that man that wants to take every bit of you and LOVE EVERY PART!
ReplyDeleteRachel Yamagata pretty much got me through some rough patches as well..But so does Rachel loy (specifically Pscyhobabble) In any event, The fat kid DOES in fact get the guy... :)
ReplyDelete