Will you marry me, Mary?

Press play.



I am not going to feel bad for putting myself out there. I am not going to feel bad about being rejected. I am going to get up after I fall. In fact, I am standing now. I am a pillar of strength. I am capable of so much. I have more than enough love to give. My heart is full to the brim with it. And it replenishes daily. It feels good to be this strong.
(Some thoughts that have been on my mind for the past week)

The semester is almost over and I am excited! I get to apply for the nursing program soon enough. I have applied for 12 different positions. If I hear nothing by December I am going to get into some part time retail work(D:). I would love to send my little cousins over in New Mexico a care package for Christmas.

I have been reading a lot lately. Science fiction novels have never been my preference but I am really enjoying Foundation. I went to the Planetarium on Thursday. We stood there in the cold listening to this instructor talk about the planets and the elements for two and a half hours. I got to see Jupiter through the telescope. It was an incredible experience. I close my eyes and picture myself on that planet. It's a tranquil thought. It's also an unsettling one. Think I might take an astronomy class next semester to finally finish my Associates degree.

I am really looking forward to Thanksgiving. I suggested starting a new tradition on Thanksgiving. Usually, we just eat and watch the Dallas game. Which is just as great but I am trying to think of a game for all of us to play. Just a thought.

Isn't this Mary girl great? Yesterday I was so inspired I started to write. Maybe I'll post it here. I need to re-work it. Over and over again.

"Your sexiness is defined by concentric circles within your wood. It is wisdom. You are a goddamned tree stump with leaves sprouting up. Reborn."

Sunshine

Hit play.


Sometimes I wish I could crawl out of the deepest holes in my mind. I get caught running in circles at the bottom of a pit. I scratch at the walls trying to find hope. Trying to find some peace. Maybe if I just see a glimmer of light I can think my way out of it.

Today, I am sad. I am sad that I almost lost a friend last night. I am sad that I always seem to make a mistake. I am sad that I am allowing myself to feel this way. Maybe it's just the sun's unrelenting ability to shine that gets me through most days. So much power and energy. So much pure light. It is so beautiful. I am not even a blip on the map of human existence yet my own fate matters so much to me. I need to know I will be okay and I will do right with the tiny moment I am blessed with to bask in the sun.

Things I want in life include:
Happiness
To love and be loved in return
The ability to make a positive difference in the lives around me
A chance

To let go...